Gratitude & Hope

Dear Friends,

Today marks ten years. 

Although the email has long been deleted, August 26th of 2013 is etched into my memory.

Fortunately, the way I interpret that event and what it means about me has changed drastically over time.

I am grateful that "the God of all grace" keeps His promises.

I am grateful for the way grief moves through us and changes us.

I am grateful for the compassion and understanding I've gained for her and myself and others.

I am grateful for inner strength, grit, and endurance.

I am grateful for the unwavering, foundational love of God.

I am grateful for true peace and closure.

And I am grateful for the ones who stayed.

To the close friends and family members who walked me through the most painful, muddy parts of the past decade (Season One and Season Two)... the fiercely loyal friends who listened well, spoke Godly wisdom and comfort, challenged my misconceptions, reminded me who I am, fought for my heart, helped me process mixed messages, brightened up dark days, and sat with me in the unique suffering of ambiguous grief... from the bottom of my heart, thank you.  Your response did not have to be perfect to matter... your wholehearted presence spoke volumes and enabled me to connect with the sustaining love of Jesus in a more tangible way!

Looking forward, I'm excited to build some new friendships as I embrace all God has for me in the coming season.  Yet what I know for certain is that our mutual friends and the close circle of people who knew me well "before-and-after" this pivotal portion of my story will always hold a special place in my heart.  There is a priceless sense of security in time-tested friendships with people who understand the background details that have shaped your life story... and I'm thankful to have a core group of friends who know me on that level.

 
❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

From 2007 to 2013 to 2021, the weight of compounding rejections was very heavy and hard on my soul.  Healing has not been a linear path - it's been quite the road to recovery, humility, and peace.  And I am still here today because you and Jesus did not allow me to believe I was unlovable.  If the Tulsa Yolotti still existed, I would be there tonight to mark this ten-year anniversary (side note: I'm finally learning to spell that correctly). =)

Chet Lee, Jeffrey Edward, Kristin Michelle, Sarah Elizabeth, Tiffany Joanne, Kristin Renee, Laura Allison, Kelly Marie, Karli Marie, Lindsay Jane, Rachael LaJo, and my wonderful Mom... gracious, thank you all for your prayers, for being on my team in a way I could feel, for caring even when you didn't fully understand, for individually modeling resilience, and for valuing our connection enough to engage in some hard conversations.  (I'm seeing at least seven of you this very weekend, and I could not love that more.)  Over the past decade, we have all shared more good times, joy, and laughter than sorrow or conflict... but I have never taken it for granted that you stood by me when it was most difficult.  Your love, support, and loyalty means a great deal.

Our close relationships can be the catalyst for our deepest wounds, but also our greatest healing... God created us for connection, and we all need good people in our lives.  It's a fascinating paradox to me that the more fully we are able to trust and depend on the people closest to us, the more independent and emotionally secure we are empowered to be.  I am gratefully walking in "earned secure attachment" today, a valuable gift I will continue to guard.  In key relationships with Jesus, myself, and others, it is well with my soul.  My heart is overwhelmed with gratitude for you and Jesus, and I'm praying for divine opportunities to pay it forward.

Stepping into a counseling role in this season feels like such a meaningful and redemptive gift from our faithful God... the God who will not allow His esteemed, precious children to be defined by rejection, abandonment, or despair.  God is good and kind, and He is not indifferent to our pain.  He offers us a safe refuge through our storms, equips us to heal, renews our strength... and then calls us to rise up and help others.  He cares enough to create mosaic beauty from the ashes of our losses, to take what our spiritual enemy intended for evil against us and use it for His glory and a ripple effect of good in the world!!  ❤

On the mountaintop, I can see so clear what it's all about.
So stay by my side when the sun goes down.
Don't want to forget how I feel right now:
I'm already loved.  I'm already chosen.

I know who I am.  I know what You've spoken.

I'm already loved more than I could imagine.

And that is enough; You are enough...
It's more than you ask, think, or imagine
According to His power working in us.
It's more than enough.
-Jireh (Elevation Worship)

To the trusted few who regularly show up here and in person, you. are. a. treasure!!  I pray God blesses you abundantly and places you on a firm foundation.  May you be restored, supported, strengthened, and established as you walk closely with Him.  May you never walk alone through hard seasons, and may God bring redemptive beauty for ashes everywhere you have suffered loss.  May His goodness and mercy follow you today!  May He give you the desire and the power to please Him, and may He fulfill His highest purpose for your life.  (Psalm 138:8)  

And in the end, may our lives uniquely glorify Christ and beautifully reflect that we serve the God of REDEMPTION and the God of all grace!

With Deep Gratitude and Kingdom Hope,

❤ -Lindsey Claire