All Good Things

*Post title courtesy of Olaf:
"Heeey, we were just talking about you... all good things, all good things!" lol

This is my final post for 2021, friends, and I'm happy to report that I hit my 31 posts in 31 days goal for December!  I definitely won't be playing that game in January, but I'll write here whenever the mood strikes. =)

Today = my final reflections on some good things and lessons from 2021, plus expecting some good things in my goals for 2022... all good things. ;-)

I'll start with this happy slideshow of pictures I want to remember throughout the past year... enjoy!

My Top Five Lessons or Takeaways from 2021:

1.  God will provide the daily grace, the resources, the energy, and the evidence that I need to navigate the new things He has planned for me (part of the Green Light at the Red Sea sermon, which confirmed my decision to start the adoption process).

2.  In our best days and in our darkest moments, we are seen and known and loved by an involved and compassionate God.  He is both epic and intimate, universally powerful and deeply personal.  He is sovereign over global events, and He times the events of our lives with great care and precision and divine authority.  (God showed me that my friendship with Malori lasted 7 years and 12 days in total, and both numbers symbolize "completion" and "divine authority" throughout the Bible -- while it didn't make the grief part much easier, it gave me a sense of clarity and real closure that I wouldn't have had otherwise, and it meant a lot to me to feel that God cared enough to speak to me there).

3. "Jesus replied, 'You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.'" ~John 13:7  Sometimes - really, most of the time - God's full plan is not clear to us.  In times of pain and grief, He is close to the brokenhearted and He saves those who are crushed in spirit.  And in the better times (like moving forward with adoption), we should act on what we do know and trust Him with the rest of it.  Someday (in heaven if not before), it will all become abundantly clear.  But right here and now, we can remind ourselves that He is working all the events of our lives together for our good and His glory!

4.  Carol Dweck's book taught me to praise children for their effort rather than calling it a natural talent or ability.  That helps to instill the foundational growth mindset belief that they can accomplish their goals whenever they're willing to put in the necessary time and practice.  I'm working to live in that mindset more myself, to release limiting beliefs and fixed thinking, and to believe that all sorts of desired changes are truly possible for me when I put in the required energy and effort!

4.  "Let go of people who are not prepared to love you. This is the hardest thing you will have to do in your life, and it will also be the most important. Stop having hard conversations with people who don't want to change.  Stop showing up for people who are indifferent to your presence.   The more time you spend trying to make yourself loved by someone who is unable to, the more time you waste depriving yourself of the possibility of this connection to someone else.  The more you stay involved with people who use you as a background option or a therapist for emotional healing, the longer you stay away from the community you want.  The most valuable thing you have in your life is your time and energy, and both are limited... Protect your energy. You are not responsible for saving anyone. You are not responsible for convincing them to improve. Decide that you deserve true friendship, genuine commitment, and complete love with healthy people. Then wait and see how much everything begins to change.”  ~Anthony Hopkins

My Goals for 2022:

1:  Host friends at my home once a month (that can be one or more people, and it can be dinner or a game night or just watching a movie).

2.  Social Media Sabbath one day a week (it can alternate between Saturday and Sunday depending on my schedule).

3.  Lose 60-72 pounds by this day next year, meaning 5-6 pounds per month.  Doable, but only with consistent effort!

4.  Continue good habits with Peloton (55 minutes per day average), and daily time with God (my plan is going through my Psalms Write the Word journals + listening through the New Testament 4x this year).

5.  Start a daily writing habit + complete the first draft of my book and send it to three people for feedback by the end of 2022.

That's all I've got.  May you be blessed with hope today.  And may you live with love, joy, and peace in 2022!!

2021 Recap

A Few Things I'm Grateful For:

• Celebrating Mom and Dad's 40-year marriage and Dad's health recovery
• Wonderful close friends and family who helped us through Dad's hospital stay
• Lots of great lunches with Sarah and Katherine Claire
• Our dinner talks throughout the year + my first Bedlam football game with Kristin W.
• Solid friendships, self-respect, and resilience that have helped me as I recover from a major loss
  
• Quality time hanging out with my presh niece and nephews!
• Taking Triston, Carter, Jace, and Kyndal for their first driving lessons! =)
• Celebrating Carter's 6th Grade Graduation
• Celebrating loads of birthdays, including the actual birth day of Parker Elizabeth and Katherine Claire!
• A precious Post-It invite from the Miss K to her class's Author's Tea event, where she read a book she wrote about her family
• Feeling very loved and celebrated on my snowed-in birthday thanks to gifts, food, FB posts, texts, calls, a Facetime hangout, and a surprise visit from the Wilson family!
• Having fun and taking concrete steps toward forming better cardio, strength, and meditation habits with Peloton
• Getting a wonderful shout-out from John and Stasi on their podcast (where they read part of my 2020 Christmas letter to them)
• Being contacted by a birth mom who liked my profile (grateful for the way that confirmed some things for me, even though she seems to have changed course now) 
• Celebrating Christmas with so many of the people I love! ❤

Life-Draining Events or Situations:

• Intense grief over losing a beloved friendship, some general loneliness, self-doubt, internal wrestling, and worrying about people I love experiencing pain that I cannot fix or stop
• My lengthy rental car experience, the lack of love and empathy in many conversations on social media, and Dad's hospitalization this summer (and the emotions and hard realities surrounding that)

Life-Giving Moments or Activities:

• Every single conversation or spiritual moment where I felt truly connected with God, with myself, with my friends, and/or with my family! 
• Praying for people as they come to mind and entrusting them to God 
• Hearing the "not guilty" verdict at the end of our jury trial
• Steven Furtick's Green Light at the Red Seasermon 
• Refreshing outdoor walks at Crescent Park 
• Taking a lengthy social media break
• Joining the "Peloton HardCORE" strength group 
• Enjoying my Christmas decor during Peloton workouts from October to December 
• Improving results on my lab tests and blood pressure readings (yay, exercise)
• Allowing myself permission to cry and “feel it all”
• Having grace for those who don’t understand my grief
  
• Moving back to more in-person court hearings (rather than virtual dockets)
• Reading and highlighting through the gospels and writing down key verses and phrases that spoke to me
• Baking and cooking more often
• Blogging! =)

Books Read (or Listened To):

• I read 32 books this year (listed in monthly recaps and pictured below).  My top five favorites were:  Atomic Habits, What is a Girl Worth?, Mindset, Forgiving What You Can’t Forget, and of course, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. 

• I also read through the gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John) five times… (CEB, NLT 2x, Amplified, and NIV), then I listened through them five more times (KJV, MSG, ESV, GNT, and NIV translations).  This exercise was good for my soul to stay close to Jesus and to grow more familiar with His character, His story, and His disciples.

Podcasts and Shows:

• Favorite podcasts = Annie and Eddie Keep Talking, The Holderness Family Podcast, and Elevation Church
• Favorite shows = Ted Lasso, Blue Bloods, Modern Family, Hawkeye, and WandaVision

Things Created or Accomplished:

• I completed my home study paperwork and my adoption profile scrapbook, then I set up an online profile on an adoption-matching website!
• I built a fun new shelf for my living room, tried cooking several new recipes, met with a grief counselor (Shannon) in person and a nutritional counselor (Adrienne) virtually through Zoom for several months, wrote an adoption reference letter for a friend, helped another friend with an intense job application, helped another friend with an appeal letter, painted a bit, helped my niece build a Lego set and a gingerbread house, finished my Board of Empowerment (full of quotes and photos that inspire me), created a full family portrait drawing for Lindsay, and wrote 182 new blog posts!  ;-)

*This is just a quick summary of my monthly recap posts.  Tomorrow, I'll share my top takeaways or lessons I've learned this year, along with a year-end slideshow and some goals for 2022! ❤

December 2021

 QUOTE OF THE MONTH:

“Love is never wasted, for its value does not rest upon reciprocity."

~C.S. Lewis

DECEMBER GRATITUDE LIST

• Two wonderful lunches with the Wilsons and Sarah and Kate!
• Hanging out with Laura and Tara at the Shields family's Christmas event 
• Three fun at-home movie nights with the niece and nephews (Home Alone at the Christmas kick-off with Holly and co, then The Kid and The Beverly Hillbillies) 
•  A dinner at BJ's and a fun Christmas-themed hangout with Tiffany!
• Receiving family photo Christmas cards from several friends
• Two Christmas events hosted by Chet: (Pictures with Santa and the Charcuterie Board party!) 
• Getting to see Babah's new place (and feeling really good about it)
• My new iPhone 13 Mini and some extra Christmas $$ 
• Celebrating Christmas with people I love! ❤
  

What was life-draining this month?

• My anxiety was up, and my level of exhaustion was up.  I felt oddly anxious/insecure about having people over - to the point of nearly cancelling or trying to change the plan, but I'm glad I pressed through that.  And there were more days than usual where I felt a bit worn down by the extra busyness and people-y-ness of the Christmas season.
  
• A minor back injury that seems to have cleared up now, but it was hard having to slow down and failing to complete the Peloton boxing and running programs I had started.
• Feeling some extra grief/melancholy, aware in the back of my mind that when this year closes, it will likely be the last calendar year of my life in which Malori and I were friends.
  

What was life-giving this month?

• Sending out my own family-and-friends photo Christmas cards!
• Hosting good friends at my "Mockey Little Christmas Party!" (and having it go well in spite of my unusually high-strung worries that my house wasn't big enough or kid-friendly enough to be fun for them)
  
• Writing a letter and helping with documentation for a friend who needed help with a college Financial Aid Appeal
• Extra time with my niece and nephews... getting to take them to do a few fun things (playing outside, a theater movie, Target, the mall, lunch, and Petland) and seeing their joy in all of that was great! 
• Our fancy year-end dinner at The Ranch with the Lemieuxes - I looked forward to the food and the company there, and it did not disappoint!
  
• Taking a bit more time to truly rest and recover when needed.
• Cody's "XOXO: Slay Ride" and The Red (Taylor's Version) ride with Robin on Peloton!
  
• The entire gratitude list above. ❤
  

HAPPY LISTS

I Read:  

• Very little outside of social media posts.
  

I Listened To:

• Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John (NIV)
  
• The Order of the Phoenix (my favorite HP book)
• Random favorite chapters from two other HP books =)
  
• All my usual favorite podcasts, with the addition of Smartless!

I Watched:  

• West Side Story (the new one in theaters)
• Ted Lasso and The Morning Show on Apple TV+ (got a random 3-month free subscription)
  
• Hawkeye on Disney+ (really great!)
  
• Spider-Man: No Way Home (seeing it tomorrow, but I'm hearing great things!) 
  

I Made:  

• Photo collages for 12 years worth of Christmas recap blog posts!
• Helped build a Lego set for the first time - fun!  And Miss K already ordered more! =)
  
• Helped decorate a gingerbread house, also for the first time!
• Three "Diving Deeper" blog posts!
  

*This recap was inspired by Emily Freeman's The Next Right Thing Journal, and I have now written one for each month of 2021! ❤❤

Beyond the Veil

*Harry Potter spoiler alert ahead for anyone who might care.

My favorite HP book is Order of the Phoenix.  If I rank them in order of my preference, my number is 573-1462, just in case anyone was wondering. lol

Anyway, I'm continually impressed with J.K. Rowling.  I have yet to make it through book five without crying, and the same goes for The White Tomb chapter in book 6. She uses the veil at the center of The Department of Mysteries as a metaphor for death (or more accurately, the passing from life into the afterlife).  There are so many poignant moments in these books, and she writes the complicated emotions of loss and grief especially well.

"There was a raised stone dais in the center of the lowered floor, and upon this dais stood a stone archway that looked so ancient, cracked, and crumbling that Harry was amazed the thing was still standing. Unsupported by any surrounding wall, the archway was hung with a tattered black curtain or veil which, despite the complete stillness of the cold surrounding air, was fluttering very slightly as though it had just been touched... He had the strangest feeling that there was someone standing right behind the veil on the other side of the archway. 

'Let's go,' called Hermione from halfway up the stone steps, 'This isn't right, Harry, come on, let's go...'

She sounded scared, much more scared than she had [before], yet Harry thought the archway had a kind of beauty about it... The gently rippling veil intrigued him; he felt a very strong inclination to climb up on the dais and walk through it...

There were faint whispering, murmuring noises coming from the other side of the veil.  "Can't anyone else hear it?' Harry demanded... 

'I can hear them too,' breathed Luna.....

'What do you reckon that arch was?' Harry asked Hermione... 'I don't know, but whatever it was, it was dangerous,' she said firmly...

Toward the end of the next chapter, called Beyond the Veil.

"The second jet of light hit him squarely on the chest. The laughter had not quite died from his face, but his eyes widened in shock.  Harry released Neville, though he was unaware of doing so... It seemed to take Sirius an age to fall.  His body curved in a graceful arc as he sank backward through the ragged veil hanging from the arch... Harry heard Bellatrix Lestrange's triumphant scream, but knew it meant nothing - Sirius had only just fallen through the archway, he would reappear from the other side any second...

But Sirius did not reappear.

...Lupin dragged Harry away from the dais, Harry still staring at the archway, angry at Sirius now for keeping him waiting - but some part of him realized, even as he fought to break free from Lupin, that Sirius had never kept him waiting before... Sirius had risked everything, always, to see Harry, to help him... If Sirius was not reappearing out of that archway when Harry was yelling for him as though his life depended on it, the only possible explanation was that he could not come back."

Harry, who has already suffered a great deal of loss, is drawn toward this veil, finding beauty in it and feeling an inexplicable desire to walk through it, even without fully understanding it.  That rings true to me.  His friends who have also experienced deep loss (Neville and Luna) are transfixed and entranced by it, all three of them hearing faint voices and very aware that there is life on the other side of it... but the friends who haven't yet experienced that type of loss are either totally indifferent or they find the veil frightening and dark and dangerous.  It creeps them out and puts them on edge, and they just want to move away from it and stop talking about it.

J.K. doesn't go into trying to explain the afterlife, but she clearly implies that the people we have loved and lost are just beyond the veil, alive and well, but separated from us and unable to reappear or be here with and for us now.  The metaphor is very well done, (along with the rest of this brilliant series)!  And the veil terminology makes me think of Jesus tearing the temple veil that once separated us from God.  There's a lot to unpack there, and I won't go into it now.

Anyway, I realize this is not a very holiday-themed post, but I've been thinking about that since I read that book again earlier this month.  So I wanted to share a bit of it here before I forget.  That's all I've got for today. ❤

Current Events + Catching Up

Today, I took Triston, Jace, and Kyndal to Target to look around and see if they wanted to spend a bit of their Christmas money!  And of course, to have collapsible lightsaber battles! lol

Miss K just hopped right into the cart when I got it. lol  Meanwhile, Jace walked way too far ahead of us, and Triston chatted with me.

Kyndal spent some of her money on new books she was excited about - I love that!  And Jace spent all of his Christmas $ on these AirPod Pros + two little Transformer toys!

She was pretty excited about getting this lego set... then we got home and as she was opening it and looking at the people, she said, "So I guess this is supposed to be Phoebe!?"  And it took us a minute to realize that she thought the Friends set meant Friends the TV show. lol ❤❤

Mamaw was at the doctor waiting for 3+ hours to get some antibiotics for the cut on her leg (where Jace accidentally landed on her coming down from a random living room handstand).  Our Target trip + going 3 places for lunch + building this Lego set (whilst Jace enjoyed his new noise-cancelling headphones) took up most of the afternoon!

Me and Kyndal finished this off, along with the Lego bus pulling a boat on a trailer.  Such a cute little set, and a fun and time-consuming project!

Then tonight, I joined my parents and Bill and Jill for a delicious dinner and dessert and post-Christmas catch up session at The Ranch Steakhouse in OKC... yum!!

My only non-cash gifts this year were these happy five-year journal books for Mom, Rach, and Tman!  I'm such a fan of mine, so hopefully they will be too!

A Christmas Eve photo that didn't make it into the last post.  Kyndal wanted to set up the camera timer and practice with it, just for fun... so we took several with her doing that! lol

Mamaw and Grandpa with all their grandkids (at The Veraden on Christmas Eve)!

A throwback pic to Blake's wedding... their photographer took this family group pic during the reception at Gaillardia, and I'm just now seeing it for the first time! ❤

This one of the send-off makes me happy, too!  You can see Jace and Kyndal in front of me and Mom on the right there!

And now, catching up on a few funny memes lately... our Oklahoma weather has been pretty interesting.  No complaints about the 75-degree, clear Christmas day, though!

One of many Office memes featuring Kevin that Chettles sent in the group text with me and the Fultons! lol

Truth:

And finally, my Christmas card for 2021.  For a while, I felt some strange pressure to include a photo of everyone I was mailing the card to - I'm not sure where that came from, but literally no one else I know does that, other singles included.  So I embraced the fact that I could use fewer pictures and none of my friends would be offended. lol

I'm headed back home tomorrow, and looking forward to earning this Peloton badge! lol

Speaking of Peloton, HERE's my "Cooldown" video for 2021 year-end review.  Slightly annoyed since I worked hard all year long to earn a 365-day streak, then they released this video about a month early and counted December of 2020 in there.  What in the world!? lol  But oh well... still very proud of my accomplishments through this year.  And how much do I love that I hit exactly 20,021 minutes for 2021!!?  Couldn't have planned that, and actually find it fairly confusing since all of their class times end in 5's or 0's, but I'll take it. lol  ...I had a minor back injury (unsure of the cause) that really slowed me down the past couple weeks, but I'm feeling better now and ready to gear up and head into 2022 feeling strong and fierce! =)

That's all for now. ❤