CHRISTMAS MEMORIES 2013
Our first Christmas with the 4-month-old mini Missy K!! ❤ Just look at her in her cozy Christmas jammies and then in her glittery snowman dress for Christmas Eve! I was already smitten! Lol
Laura Allison came over to help Mom and I decorate that year, another year of the traditional red decor! That was the first time we decorated my front porch - so much wintery cuteness, especially on the snowy day in that picture!! ❤
I joined Lindsay's small group earlier that year, and the four of us had a fun girls night seeing The Nutcracker ballet in Tulsa that December!
We had a big Christmas dinner with Dad's side of the family at the Peavlers' house, a tradition that I've missed for the past few years!! My Aunt Nancy is like me in her love of documenting life, so she has taken lots of candid pics and family photos of all of us through the years. The top pic below = Rach and Dad reminiscing about Christmases past... then we have Mamaw and the Jaceman, who was a delightfully adventurous one-year-old at that point... and then Georgia's famous sugar cookies - YUM!!
The Diving Deeper Women's Lifegroup had two Christmas events that year... a Christmas movie night pajama party, and a gathering where we bought and wrapped presents and wrote cards for our annual Christmas mission project!
T&C "photobombed" us and snuck in while we were about to get a girls' pic of me with Rach and Kyndal Faith - they’re so cute here!! ❤ Jace must have been in another room at that point, because he would never be the last one to jump in otherwise!
We took this family photo for Dad's annual State Farm Christmas letter that year... I'm sad that the sleeping Miss K is basically covered by Carter here.
Other important events that December: The guys took Kelly and Karli on a fun NYC Christmas trip (which JEM asked me to blog about, which still makes me laugh). The guys texted me the pic of them with the Boo dolls, and that made my day! lol After some memorably rough times searching for a good Bailiff at my office + increasingly tough times at her dental office, Laura finally interviewed and got the job to start in January of 2014! And that bottom right pic = the guys stopping by to hang out at my house for a bit after Kyle's birthday dinner! =)
One of my favorite pictures of Jace and Grandad having a quiet hug (at our dinner at Santa Fe on Christmas Eve), then Dad with J&K as they were in their PJs ready to go to bed that night, then T&C with their fun crazy hats from JoBug - (the ears moved when they pressed that button). lol
I think little kids in footie pajamas is something that will always delight my soul! lol Sooo cuddly! Here's Rach holding Jaceman and K-Faith that Christmas Eve!
A precious pic from a little earlier that night of Jace with Babah and Grandad, his great-grandparents who were clearly so enamored with him!! ❤
*Important Note: In the midst of all these holiday festivities and the general Christmas merriment surrounding me, I was heartbroken and feeling a bit groundless during that season... fighting through the fog of depression and struggling to understand what I might have done wrong, why Malori left, why God had allowed other tragic events that year, questioning my future path and purpose, etc. I had just completed my Bachelor's Degree program at SNU, and I was pretty sad to miss my graduation ceremony due to a crazy snow day in early December, and even sadder to still feel confused about my path going foward. My sense of belonging felt pretty shattered in the aftermath of my best friend cutting me out of her life — there was confusion and shame mingled with such. intense. grief. where I often found myself wanting to be alone when I was surrounded by people, then wishing I had more people there any time I was alone with my thoughts for very long. So many parts of my life felt unfinished and messy and unspeakably HARD that year, and the general pressure to be merry at Christmas didn't help…
All that to say, it's okay not to be okay. We all go through holiday seasons where the pain and loss we've experienced feel louder and more amplified than all the seasonal joys around us. If that's you this year, I'm genuinely sorry. You're not alone. Be kind to yourself. And give yourself grace to feel it all -- the good stuff and the messy grief around whatever you have lost. It matters, and your heart matters.
Without being fake or forcing something that doesn't ring true for you, I would also gently encourage you to participate whenever you're up for it, and to try to take a few photos along the way of the people and things that bring you any sense of joy! ...If I were just pondering it and looking back over my 2013 holidays without any pictures from that season, my main memory would be the searing emotional pain that overshadowed my ability to fully appreciate some of the wonderful things right there in that time period. But these pictures help to remind me that there was beauty, and God was with me, and many wonderful people I love were there for me even in the midst of great loss. This blog helps me with that, as well.
So that's my quick encouragement to snap a few Christmas photos or keep a little gratitude journal, even if it's been a terrible year that you'll be glad to wave goodbye to. In my experience, the worst memories and emotions usually soften over time, then the good memories and photos from those days will shine even brighter to you because you know how much the little joys and kindnesses mattered in that hard season! Something to think about.
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Okay, so just after our family Christmas that year, Mom and Dad and I took a Texas road trip to pick up the berry best girlfranz in the world, Sam and Ella, (or Sammich and Bellsy, or Sam-Puffins and Ella-Belle)!! ❤ YAY! Between my cute and cuddly newborn niece and these adorable new fluffy puppies, God was protecting me and gently reminding my heart that I was loved and needed, and to stay present to the beauty and goodness (and epic cuteness) in life!
Happy Friday, dear friends and family, (and happy 13-year Friendiversary to Chet Lee and Sarah Elizabeth)! Whether you're having a super fun and festive Christmas season or facing a lot of extra holiday stress or dealing with intense loss and brokenness, I pray that you will find a little encouragement and hope here. Remember that tuning into the heart of God can bring you an inner peace that outlasts any storm. We can choose (over and over) to turn to Jesus in our anxiety or despair rather than allowing ourselves to become increasingly fearful and troubled.
May you find peace, comfort, and joy in Him this Christmas!! ❤
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